"My ancestors didn't spend the last 2 million years clawing their way to the top of the food chain, for me to become a vegetarian. Who am I to dishonor the ultimate sacrifice made by this noble beast in order that we can prepare such a wonderful meal, by refusing to eat it?"
The Fat Masters & Fat Elders are those of the "older" generation of the Fat Clan. They are the originators of the Fat.....
Fat Master1: Harold- The self-proclaimed matriarch of the family, this fat bag of lard spews more overweight insults, then there are fat people in the world. He has kept Chinese Food Restaurants over the tri-state area in business. His claims to fat include driving a mini-van through a garage door, the breaking of multiple lawn & camping chairs, and instituting the fatboy/fatgirl system. FAT MASTER
Date of Birth: September 21, 1950
Location: Glendale, NY
Fat Master 2: Daniel, Sr.- Compared to his fatmaster brother you could consider this chubby fella a virtual "mini-me". The fat face and mannerisms of the two are almost identical. Notorious for the worst gas in the family. Unconfirmed: may be the first person to be called fatboy by the FM-01. Good enough for an FM-02 rank.
Date of Birth: May 4th, 1956
Location: Seaford, NY
Fat Master 3: David- Another sibling of the FM-01, probably the thinnest of the FAT MASTERS, "Uncle Dave" receives the FM-03 rank due the proximity in age, and more often insulted by the FM-01. But the Fat Master that has more hair on his back then his head, may have the loudest mouth n the hierarchy, which may lead to an increase in his mass to solidify his rank as a Fat Master Elder.
Date of Birth: July 23rd, 1965
Location: Mount Vernon, NY
It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. -Arnold Schwarzenegger
Fat Master 4: Raymond "Ray", Sr.- Hmmmmm. the husband of FG-02, he'll pull in an FM-04 ranking. Though his mass has slipped through the years, his previous girth helped him notch he spot of a FAT MASTER.
Date of Birth: September 13th, 1949
Location: Shark River, NJ
Fat Master 5:Michael "Mike" H- Being an outdoorsman slides him down to a number 5. Fatboys and Fatgirls should only be outside for barbeques. But he's got a gut, and can stand to be married to FG-03.
Date of Birth: January 8th 1959
Location: Milford, ME
Date of Birth: November 23rd, 1925
Location:Howard Beach, NY
In the 1960s, you could eat anything you wanted, and of course, people were smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, and there was no talk about fat and anything like that, and butter and cream were rife. Those were lovely days for gastronomy, I must say. - Julia Child
Fat Girl 2/Fat Elder 2:Pamela "Pam" - Ah Pam the Ham. She's a sweetheart alright, but as you know t here's no mercy in this family. The breaking of a backyard bench and stumbling into her pool has secured her spot as a fatmaster.
Date of Birth: December 8th, 1948
Location: Shark River, NJ
Fat Girl 3/Fat Elder 3: "Patty" -FATTY PATTY! FATTY PATTY! She calls herself a goddess. He he he. Well pigasus, you'll pull in a 3 spot. The double-sized daycare diva dropped 4 fatties, and is the grand-old mother of another 4. The cow now grazes in Maine, perhaps because she could no longer fit in the city.
Date of Birth: April 24th 1954
Location:Milford, ME
Fat Girl 4/Fat Elder 4:Elizabeth "Betty" aka "Head"- Heady Betty. She's #4. Some call her cabbage head, some call her lettuce, but to the fatmaster-01, she's fatgirl. She may not be all that fat for a 4-spot, but her uncanny ability to know exactly who her fat husband is talking about when he says fatgirl, helps her scale the ranks.
> Date of Birth: November 19th, 1948
Location:Glendale, NY
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza! - Jay Leno
Fat Girl 5/Fat Elder 5:Karen aka "Buddha" -Buddha will take a #5 spot for what else - her posterior. The helmet-headed quaff queen is married to the FM-02 and has mothered 3 more fatties. Her extraordinary baking abilities have added countless pounds to Joschers all around.
Date of Birth: July 17th, 1958
Location:Seaford, NY
Fat Girl 6/Fat Elder :-The youngest of Flo's herd, Caryann flops in at #6. The final spot of the fatmaster elders goes to her. Being the youngest of the FM-01, 02 & 03 fatboys, you can be sure she's had to put up with plenty of "FATGIRLS". And who can forget "Caryann smells". Not I.
Date of Birth: May 15th, 1967
Location:Howard Beach, NY
Fat Master 26:Michael P- Thank God there's a lawyer in this family! All this fat is dangerous, one of us might just need to retain his services one of these days.
Date of Birth:
Location: Mount Vernon, NY
Reclaiming the word 'fat' was the most empowering step in my progress. I stopped using it for insult or degradation and instead replaced it with truth, because the truth is that I am fat, and that's ok. So now when someone calls me fat, I agree, whereas before I would get embarrassed and emotional.- Beth Ditto
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